I have been slowly realizing that my entire family is toxic. I used to think it was just my dad. Then it was just my stepdad. Then my stepmom. Then my mom. Now I know it’s just everybody. They are all dysfunctional. I’ve been thinking about severing ties, or at least cutting down the talking and visiting to like, holidays. Admitting this makes me feel horrible, but, I think if I’m ever going to be happy, or create a functional life for myself, I need to get away from them. They have absolutely no self-awareness. They’re a black hole of self-loathing and horrible decisions. They’re completely self-destructive. And the more time I spend with them, the more I worry about being like them when I know I’m not really. When I’m on my own, or with my friends, or with anyone not absolutely batshit crazy, it’s like a thousand pounds taken off of my shoulders and I feel like I can be myself. And myself is a light-hearted, happy, free-spirited person. But my family just flat out depresses me. They’re like a burden I have to constantly carry. There is so much awful always happening. I crave normalcy, stability, and just even a little bit of sanity, but there is absolutely none with them. I hate it. That’s not how family should be. They’re not supportive or loving whatsoever. They’re selfish and hateful. I’ve tried being patient and being there for them for fucking years. Through the dozens of their life ruining choices. Then when I need anything they treat me like shit. I know by now that they’re not going to break their habits or this cycle. I have to break out of it though. I have to move on.